Love 101 with Joven and Lasercorn
by XxUnwrittenxX
Summary: Joven has been single for a long time, so he asks Lasercorn to help him win over Melissa Melancon's heart. Lasercorn's lessons help him woo her, but one particular lesson leads him and his student into a whole mess of trouble. Will Joven win Melissa's love? Or will he fall for someone else along the way? Jovencorn vs. Melisshire. Rated T for language and my paranoia.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: If you've seen my profile, you know that I put up an idea in response to a Joventhony question, and then I realized something... it'd make an even better JOVENCORN story! :D**

**Title: Love 101 with Joven and Lasercorn  
Pairing: Lasercorn/Jovenshire/Melissa Melancon (Joven announced on Twitter that he has a crush on her. If you don't know who she is, she is an actress that appears on Smosh pretty often. Most recent appearance: Yoga Girl on "What Guys Are Really Thinking")  
Summary: Joven has been single for a long time, so he asks Lasercorn to help him win over Melissa Melancon's heart. Lasercorn takes it too far and teaches Joven how to kiss a girl, which leads him and his student into a whole mess of trouble. Will Joven win over Melissa? Or will Joven fall for someone else along the way?**

* * *

You know that one person you've seen once and thought was cute, and then you shrug it off and act like you never thought about them like that? Then you meet them again and think that they're cute again and once again deny that you ever thought that they were worthy of attention? Then you get offered a one in a million chance... and realize that you are closer to that person than you thought, and decide not to hide what you've thought about them? No? Just me? Well, then... I guess this is going to be a long and extremely awkward story for you to hear, but... trust me on this. It's really worth it if you pay attention to everything I say here, okay?

Okay, so... my name is Joshua. Last name Ovenshire. Nicknamed The Jovenshire, for those concerned. Call me Joven. I guess you guys know what I'm talking about NOW, right? Yadda yadda yadda, I like Melissa Melancon, yadda yadda yadda. It's true. I have a crush on her, and I have ever since I saw her on a Smosh video a few months back. She was so pretty, and she was hilarious. I was happy for a couple days after. My friends all asked me why I was so damn happy, and yet I never told them exactly why. Well, then I saw her on another Smosh video a little while later. Then, I was happy for a week after seeing her. Again, Sohinki and Lasercorn asked me why I was happy, but I never admitted that she was the reason.

Then, Ian and Anthony from Smosh gave us three the opportunity of a lifetime: working with them on a channel called SmoshGames. And that's when I realized that I could talk to Ian and Anthony... and they could talk to Melissa. I was so happy that I couldn't frown for months! And then EVERYONE on the crew started asking me what was making me smile so much. So... I sent out a Tweet about Melissa... and my crush on her. And that's when I got really freaking scared. What if Melissa rejected me in front of all my followers? What if Melissa never responded? What if Melissa accepted me as a joke? What if she really DID accept that I like her and wanted to start dating me? So, this is where my story begins. Me, panicked, a few minutes after I sent the Tweet.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck!" I yell. My palms are sweaty and I'm shaking all over. I can barely think. "What the hell, Joven?!" Sohinki exclaims, putting down his headset. "Your screams of stupidity cost me a kill!" "I'm sorry, but..." I begin, taking my glasses off and rubbing my eyes, "Oh my God..." Sohinki sighs and says, "If you would be so kind as to SHUT THE FUCK UP, I would like to get back to my game now." I nod at him and he goes back to playing whatever the hell game he's playing. "Joven...? What did you do?" Lasercorn asks me, a smirk on his smug face. God, I hate the smug face. "I may or may not have-" Then, Lasercorn says, "YOU TWEETED ABOUT LIKING SOMEONE?!"

"GODDAMN IT!" Sohinki yells again. "Thanks a lot, ASSHOLES!" "SHUT UP AND I'LL READ YOU A TWEET THAT JOVEN JUST SENT OUT!" Sohinki immediately rushed over to Lasercorn's side. "Ooh, is it awkward and embarrassing?" he asks Lasercorn. "When isn't anything about Joven?" Lasercorn replies. I cross my arms in defense of my awkward nature. "Gonna say it here," Lasercorn begins. I want to die right now. I want to seriously crawl into a small hole in the ground and just fucking die. "I have a HUGE crush on Mel." The two pause for a second before Sohinki asks, "You mean, Melanie? Because that's Ian's girlfriend and if you like her then that is not fucking cool dude-"

"No, he obviously means Melissa Melancon... remember? The one actress that works for Ian and Anthony?" Sohinki thinks for a little while and then says, "Oh yeah! Melissa!" "What? You've never even MET Melissa... that we know of," Lasercorn then says. Sohinki then laughs a little and says, "How big is it? You know, I like to imagine this whole conversation between two people, like, 'Sir, there's a meteor coming!'" Lasercorn picks up where Sohinki left off. "Oh yeah? How big is it?" "Sir, are you familiar with Jupiter?" "You mean like the planet?" "Yeah, well, it's that big." "Hmm, that sounds pretty big... I have a question." "Yeah?" "If it's as big as Jupiter... is it Jupiter?"

"Yes, sir. Earth is literally under siege by planet fucking Jupiter." "Oh... shit." I roll my eyes. I've read into Homestuck far enough to know that those quotes are from Dave Strider. "You got that from Homestuck, didn't you guys?" They both nod and I say, "I knew it." "But anyway, back to Mel... What's up with that?" I shake my head and snap back to reality. "Oh yeah... well, I've never actually met her, like you guys said, but... she's just so pretty, and she's very funny... and... I feel like I've known her my whole life." "Oh really?" Sohinki asks me. I nod and smile, remembering that beautiful face of hers. "Good luck," he says sarcastically, then taking his leave. "But, uh... I will NEVER be able to woo her with the skill set I have now..."

"What are you implying, Joven?" Lasercorn asks me, his eyebrow raised in a questioning manner. "I'm-" air-quotes, "'implying' that I need your help. Dude, you're freaking engaged, to a GREAT person, might I add." "You've never met her!" "If she's anything like you tell me she is, she's the most amazing woman in the world. Anyway, what I'm asking of you is for you to help me learn some important tricks so I can get her and keep her for a while. Please, man, I'm begging you to help me do this. I need your help." I put on my most adorable pouting face and beg on my knees in front of Lasercorn's area of space. He sighs deeply and says, "Listen, Joven... I'll help you. But... it won't be easy gaining my trust."

I nod and say, "Anything to make you take me on as a student, sir!" He smiles and says, "You have to wear a girly shirt every single day we have a lesson. You got that? Bieber, One Direction, Call Me Maybe... any girly-ass shirt you can get your hands on." My happiness is instantly replaced with skepticism. Will he REALLY help me if I put on the gay-ass shirts? Or will he force me to wear them all day and then never get to learn how to get Melissa to be my girlfriend? I wish Lasercorn was an easier person to see through. Honestly, you can never tell when he's lying or when he's actually telling the truth. But... David Moss is a man of his word, so... if I ask him, I will trust his answer.

"You'll really help me, Lasercorn?" He nods and says, "Yes, I promise to help you. Now, our lessons will be on Fridays, after the taping of Gamer Nation. Don't be late, and don't be a douchebag, okay?" I smile and say sarcastically, "It'll be hard to do, but I think I can set aside my douche-like ways and become a pleasant person to be around and deal with." He smiles back at me and says, "Good. Remember, the girly shirt. And, uh... don't explain the whole shirt thing to the viewers. Let it be a mystery, or perhaps sum it up to the sheer stupidity of Joven, okay?" I nod and say, "I will merely say that we took a bet and I lost." "Good. Now go forth my minion. Stalk her on Facebook and Twitter so you can learn the ways of the woman."

I smile and nod, returning to my own place, then typing her name into the Google search engine. Melissa Melancon... you will be mine. And when we have a child (not if, WHEN), we shall name him Luke. Why? So I can say to him, "Luke, I am your father." Or maybe not, depending on if it's a female... God, I'm a creepy bastard, aren't I?

* * *

**Honestly, I LOVED writing this little chapter for you! I can't wait to see your guys' responses to it! I hope you enjoyed, and if you did, why not leave a favorite? It really helps me! Or perhaps you might want to add it to your alerts, so you can check whenever I update it. Or maybe you can just leave a review telling me things you want to include, or things you want to happen, or some constructive criticism!**

**Thanks guys! Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So... no reviews... ALLLLRIGHTY THEN.**

**[I know that Joven is now dating Erin Darling, but I started this before I knew of their relationship, plus Erin doesn't act like a good girlfriend to him at ALL, so... yeah.]**

**Title: Love 101 with Joven and Lasercorn  
Pairing: Lasercorn/Jovenshire/Melissa Melancon (Joven announced on Twitter that he has a crush on her. If you don't know who she is, she is an actress that appears on Smosh pretty often. Most recent appearance: Yoga Girl on "What Guys Are Really Thinking")  
Summary: Joven has been single for a long time, so he asks Lasercorn to help him win over Melissa Melancon's heart. Lasercorn takes it too far and teaches Joven how to kiss a girl, which leads him and his student into a whole mess of trouble. Will Joven win over Melissa? Or will Joven fall for someone else along the way?**

* * *

"Fucking Friday," I groan, as soon as I wake up. I remember that my relationship lesson with Lasercorn is today, and that I have to wear a girly-ass shirt to go to it. Okay... get the shirt, get finished dressing, go to the HQ to tape Gamer Nation, then lessons with Lasercorn. Alright, seems manageable. I sigh and try to fit the My Little Pony T-shirt over my torso, messing my hair up badly and tearing one of the sleeves of the shirt in the process. "Goddamn MLP shirt," I mutter, finally pulling the shirt down so that it stays on. It's really tight, and I feel like if I wore it for a long enough time, I would die from lack of air, but... you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

After fixing my hair, cleaning off my glasses, and contemplating what I'm doing with my life for a couple of minutes, I get into my car and drive to the HQ. The ride there is really boring and uneventful, except for hearing "Light 'Em Up" by Fall Out Boy on the radio. Come on. Who doesn't love that song? It's too catchy to resist! Oh, sorry, I just get really caught up in talking about my favorite music. So, anyway, after singing my heart out as well as I could to the song, I had reached the HQ. Which was pretty convenient since I heard that the next song that would play would be Miley Cyrus's. I walk right into the office, not giving a fuck about who's laughing at me or Mari's phone camera flashing, about to post my shame on Twitter.

I walk straight to Lasercorn and ask him, "This good enough for a lesson, asshole?" Lasercorn is playing Payday 2, and turns to see me after a few seconds. He takes his headset off and begins to laugh loudly and obnoxiously. I sigh and say, "So? Is it?" He stops laughing for a little while and says, "Yeah, that's perfect. Just keep wearing those tight girly shirts and you'll learn how to finally reach 3rd base." "I-I've reached 3rd before..." I reply, defending myself and my awkward nature. Lasercorn smiles and says, "Sure. Now we should probably go film Gamer Nation..." "Yeah, good idea," I agree. I don't want to have to stand around in a Rainbow Dash T-shirt for any longer than I have to.

* * *

"Okay, lesson number 11. You gotta listen. Even if you aren't listening to her, you have to pretend like you are. Like, if she's talking about some boring drama with her friends and shit, you have to nod, and agree with her side of the story, and you have to pretend like the other girls are bitches." "Um, I'm not an idiot. I knew that. How else do you think I put up with Sohinki bitching about how he constantly gets his ass handed to him in multiplayer matches of random games?" Lasercorn nods and says, "That's true. Sohinki is kind of a bitch." "I RESENT THAT REMARK!" yells Sohinki from across the room. Lasercorn smiles and yells back at him, "YOU MIGHT RESENT IT BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE YOUR TRUE SELF, MATHEW SOHINKI!"

Lasercorn has been giving me pointers for the past half-hour now, and most of them are things that even retards could come up with. But I'm hoping that the lessons will become more elaborate as we go on, so that Melissa can be mine. "Number 12, you have to exude pure confidence. You gotta act like you don't take shit from anyone. In return, you must also act like you won't let anyone kick your ass. Not even the strongest man alive." "Noted," I reply, making a mental note of Lasercorn's advice. I sigh and say, "Are there any more complicated lessons you can give me?" Lasercorn puts a finger on his chin and looks to the ceiling, as if to ponder my question.

"Um... I guess. Lesson 13, the right clothes. No more girly shirts," he says, eyeing the My Little Pony shirt he forced me into today. "Why not?" I ask, sarcastically. "Don't all females just LOVE One Direction and Justin Bieber and Twilight and My Little Pony?" "Look, I won't force you to wear ANY girly shirts anymore. I figured that you've gone through enough torture, what with Sohinki using his first slap from the Cage Match on you today and whatnot. So yeah. I mean, if you WANT to wear those shirts, I won't question you, but-" "NO," I immediately exclaim. "DON'T EVEN SAY IT. I REFUSE TO LET YOU INSULT ME THROUGH GAY T-SHIRTS."

Lasercorn nods and says, "Yeah, I suppose I should try and act a little bit nicer around you, man. I'll work on it." "Good." An awkward amount of silence passes before Lasercorn says, "I believe that this concludes our lessons, except for 1 more that I would like to teach you at my place." _OH GOD,_ I think. _He's going to rape me. I don't want to be violated by a man with a laser-shooting rocket-powered unicorn permanently etched into his skin. _"O-Okay," I stammer, trying my best not to seem nervous. I'm a total failure at it. He smiles and says, "Good. Now, go forth, young Padawan. HOMEWARD!" He leads me outside and gets into his car. "You know where it is, right man?" he asks.

* * *

Actually, I do. He gets there a few seconds before I do, and we both walk to his home together. "Welcome to Casa de Lasercorn." He gestures to the inside of his living room, and proudly smiles at me, showcasing the small space. It's nothing to gasp at, just a regular living room with a couch, a few recliners, and an average sized TV. "So," he begins, "what do you think? It's not much, but it's home." I nod and say, "Exactly what I was going to say." "Good. Now," he gestures me to the couch in the middle of the room. I sit on the middle cushion and Lasercorn sits to my right. "Lesson 14. Kissing." _Oh God! OH GOD! OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!, _I think to myself. _See, Joshua? You knew it! YOU FUCKING KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING! _I immediately try to get up and run from his place, but Lasercorn grabs my arm and yells, "SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN!"

He sighs and says, "Look. I don't want to do this any more than YOU do. In fact, I want to do this almost 200% LESS than you do. So just man the hell up, and let's get this over with." I squeeze my eyes shut really tightly and brace myself for what's about to happen. _Is he really going to go through with this? Will he actually kiss me? Or will he wimp out at the last second?_ "Dude, calm down," he tells me. I take a deep breath and ease my muscles, trying not to think about Lasercorn kissing me, and instead, think of it as Melissa and I kissing. It probably won't help, but... hey. It's worth a shot, right? I can at least TRY not to think about it like how it actually is...

Then I feel Lasercorn's hand on my cheek, tugging my head to face him. My eyes are still closed, but I try not to clench them shut. _Just get it over with, please, Lasercorn,_ I tell myself. And then... I feel lips on mine. I try to keep my eyes shut, but they fly open and allow me to look at Lasercorn. I get a brief glimpse before my eyes close again. But... I'm not freaking out. In fact, it's actually really nice. I imagine that he's Melissa and it actually seems really realistic. Then, I realize something really fucking frightening. Melissa's face is not the person's that I'm imagining. It's still Lasercorn's. And I'm actually kissing back. _NO, I REFUSE to allow you to enjoy this!, _my mind seems to tell me.

Then Lasercorn pulls away and I open my eyes to see him again. Lasercorn stares at me for a few seconds, then sheepishly begins blushing and looking down at his feet. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, and I look away from him as well. I still can't believe that I was actually kissing Lasercorn. He doesn't look me in the eye when he says, "And that's all there is to it. So... I'll see you tomorrow..."

* * *

**The feels... they took over. I felt myself fangirling as I wrote. Accept my sincere apologies.**

**Am I the only fanfiction writer who's SmoshGames OTPs include Jovencorn?**

**Yes? Well then...**

**Thanks for reading! BYYYYEEEEEE! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: HOLY JOVENCORN I WENT FROM 0 to 6 WITHIN A SINGLE CHAPTER OMGWTFBBQ**

**Also, be prepared for a shameless self-insert. You'll see why in a second.**

**UnderwaterAsphyxia: Thank you for enjoying it! I'm glad that you like it!  
GASPETH. THE FEELS. I know that feel, bro.**

**chocolover26: Wait, I'm farting reviews? lolwut  
THANK YOU FOR ZE FEELS**

**pandasmosher: I thought that Joven's POV would be more appropriate for the story's progression. Not many people prefer to work with Joven's POV, but I personally relate to him a lot. I personally LOVE Lasercorn, but I feel like he's shrouded in mystery. I don't feel that I would do his POV justice.  
Thank you! That's so nice for you to say! :)**

**Guest #1: Exactly. He announced on his Twitter that he liked Melissa, but then he randomly decides to start dating Erin. Hmm. Weird.**

**HotBuns: OMG YOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS A LLAMA I'M IMMEDIATELY HAPPY  
Thank you! I will post more RIGHT NOW! :D**

**Guest #2: SO...MANY...FEELS...FOR...JOVEN...AND...LASERCORN. ..  
Also, I don't necessarily condone Iancorn. I have no problems with it, but I have VERY specific OTPs for SmoshGames, so... yeah.**

* * *

It's literally 3:30 in the morning, and I'm wide awake, listening to a random radio station, thinking about what the fuck just happened with Lasercorn today. I mean, I know what happened, it's just... I thought that he had a fiancee, or something. Who was female. And not a dude. But, I guess that didn't happen. Maybe they broke up... or she doesn't know that he kissed me... or he's bisexual... or there was no fiancee in the first place. Huh. Maybe there never was. I just now realized that the station is a shitty pop station, which means that I've been listening to Justin Bieber for the past half-hour. _Fuck, _I think to myself. The song changes to "Firework" by Katy Perry.

All of a sudden, my cell phone goes off. I'm slightly afraid to answer it, seeing as it's probably Lasercorn. I reach for it and read the text. Yep. It's him. It reads, _'Sorry about earlier, Josh. I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me. I just wanted to apologize.' _I sigh after finishing the words, and then I reply back, _'Well, it took me by surprise, I'll admit, but if it helps with Melissa, then all is forgiven. :)' _I add a little smiley-face to make things seem less awkward. As soon as I set my phone down, the song reaches the chorus. _Cause baby you're a FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREWORK!_ Katy sings, her obnoxious sound ringing in my eardrums. I mumble to myself, "Shut up, Katy. No one wants to hear your inspirational lyrics."

I change the radio to a few other stations, and after looking through countless stations, I decide to give up and turn the radio off. My phone goes off again. Another text from Lasercorn. I pick it up and take a deep breath. _In...Out. _He says, _Honestly, if I overstepped my boundary, I'm sorry. _In my head, I'm swearing him out so badly. _Oh, so you think that I'd be perfectly fucking fine with my best friend kissing me on the fucking lips?! Are you insane?! _I don't really even want to respond, because I know that he knows that I'm really not mad at him. His intentions were in the right place. But... seriously? Did he really have to make me kiss him? And another thing, why the hell did I enjoy it?

I want to knock myself out so perhaps I could get amnesia, or at least just forget that it ever took place, but... I can't. I just can't. I wish so badly that I could forget what I felt with Dave today, but... Mother of God, I hate it. I hate this so much! Why can't I just let anything go? I never forget anything! It's always one tiny little thing that happens and all of a sudden, I think that it makes everything different. I mean, it was a lesson. Just one small kiss. It meant nothing. It meant literally nothing at all. I just wish that my mind knew that it was only a minor thing and not the apocalypse. _How is this going to affect our friendship?_ I think to myself. I sigh again. Maybe I'll have the answer by morning.

* * *

I don't. I don't have any answer at all. Instead, I have a tweet from Mel. "That's so sweet, TheJovenshire! :) Maybe we could meet up somewhere? ;)" she says. For a moment, I begin to firmly question the existence of anything and everything in this world. _Are we human, or are we dancer? _And then I literally begin to fangirl. Like those 13-year-old Tumblr users that want Ian and Anthony to do kinky things to one another and then get married and adopt beautiful, ovary-exploding babies do whenever they see a tiny little thing that could be misconstrued between Ian and Anthony on their videos. And then I wonder if there's a lot of girls like that who ship me with Lasercorn. Or Melissa.

And then my mind races back to that one stupid fanfic I saw that started the Jovencorn... Lasershire? I don't know. Whatever-the-hell-it's-called fandom. It wasn't big, only getting 12 reviews, nor was it long and drawn out, only a chapter long. It only really had one small moment that defined Jovencorn in it anyways. But that moment was damn cute, and really convincing. That stupid fangirl... what was her username... Oh yeah, XxUnwrittenxX. Called, um... "A Game Bang Punishment Gone Wrong". Yeah. And that moment, was a kiss. A small, short, kiss. One that didn't seem like a big deal, but defined an entire fanfiction. I remember seeing it and then showing it to Lasercorn, who was seriously contemplating reviewing it anonymously.

And it was actually the cutest fanfic I've seen. You know, with the exception of the Marhinki fanfics people post on there. Huh, wouldn't you know, the same girl was one of the first to post a Marhinki fanfic too. I told Lasercorn that I thought that the story was cute, but he flew off the handle and was all, "I don't have a crush on you, I'm engaged for Christ's sake! Also, why in the fuck would we play Catherine for Game Bang? It's not a competitive game!" "Yeah it is," I had told him. "Remember how we got so pissed off at each other while playing that game? Holy shit. You would always challenge me to beat your times for the puzzles, and when I did, you'd get pissed off. So, yeah. It's pretty competitive."

"Yeah, but still, why would we make someone wear the Catherine dress. I agree, no one wants to see that, but still. Why?" "It'd probably be Sohinki's idea, considering that he has this insane crush on Mari. Plus, he's heard that she isn't very good at puzzle games." "Are you kidding?" Lasercorn asked me. "Have you seen her and me play Decay? She dominates those puzzles." "Well I don't know, okay? Look, it wasn't meant to be super serious. It was just expressing the author's preference for us to be together. It's called fan-FICTION-" I put an insane amount of emphasis on the word fiction "-for a reason, now isn't it, Dave?" He sighed in a frustrated tone at me. "I just showed you because I thought that it was well-written, okay?"

"I hate that author. People aren't supposed to make two people gay and then tell them that they're huge fans! Why do they do that? Just because a few people think that we should be together doesn't mean that they have to force romance down our throats!" he yelled, and before I could try to make him calm down, he just walked away from me, leaving me at the computer, looking at the small story. I used to like it, I think I still might. But now it's gotten severely creepy for me, ever since he got so pissed off about it and then just stormed off. And now that we've actually kissed, I mean, things are just really awkward between us. I wonder if he's trying to forget about it like I am.

I wonder if he's reading that story right now, wondering why he didn't like it, now that he actually knows what it's like to kiss me.

* * *

When I get to the office, I see Mari, Sohinki, Ian, and Anthony, but not Dave. I look around the entire building, but he's nowhere to be found. So I ask Sohinki, "Matt, do you know where Dave is?" I'm sure I sound exasperated by now, but... I want to know why he hasn't showed up for work. "Um, yeah, I think he took a day off." "What do you mean, 'took a day off?' Today is the 1 year anniversary of SmoshGames! We can't let him just skip that!" I then reply sternly. I think I growled, because Sohinki just shrugs me off and goes back to working on whatever he's working on. I continue to ask the others, and each time, I get the same response, "He took a day off."

What I'm starting to wonder is WHY he took today off. Why he didn't show up for work. Why he didn't show up for work, where I happen to be.

* * *

**THAT CONCLUDES MY CHAPTER, GUYS! I LOVED WRITING IT! :D**

**So...so guys. Guess what?**

**I AM HAPPY.**

**BECAUSE YOU READ MY STORIES AND THINGS.**

**That is all. You may leave now.**


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